So, this year is going lovely it really is… yes I’ve had my struggle and yes I’ve dealt with some hardships but most of all it been great.
I’ve been focusing on me. I preach self love to a fault and the fault is within me. I wasn’t caring for me and my best interests. Finally I realized no one will love me unless I love myself. What that meant was letting go of some toxic people in my life and refocusing on the core of me and indulging in who I was and what my goals where, my relationships with my God, my family and my friends
I used to think that was selfishness and now I realize that this is survival.
Anyhow the honeymoon phase of this “life turn” has worn off and now I’m sort of bitter. I used to ignore the hurtful things said here and try to ignore ignorance but now I refuse to hide myself from my peers and I feel like its making me a bitter person.
I was totally okay with realizing my feelings toward situations and comments but I was not prepared for them to linger… you know. So I sought out others like me on this not very diverse campus only see that we are all in the same rut.
WTF! We are all angered and its not becoming. We gone from bubbly exciting diverse people to bitter individuals with grudges and vendettas. The common consensus though is that we don’t want to be bitter we want to forgive but its like every day we wake up and our wounds aren’t fully healed and one comment, one bad look, one off statement opens those wounds and they begin to fester.
I recently read this article I recommend you hit it up: http://www.christenacleveland.com/2013/09/miscalculating-racism-life-on-a-christian-college-campus/
AND THIS MAN LITERALLY WROTE MY EXPERIENCE ON PAPER AND PUBLISHED IT!
So I guess the goal now is to mend my wounds and give them adequate time to heal.
Cause I don’t want to be that bitter person anymore its not me and i refuse to let it become who I am.